While in California I chickened out. I was scared to be bold with my acts of kindness. I was timid about proclaiming my faith. I was afraid of being rejected , of people being mean, of people being offended. I wasn’t looking for ways to be kind, I blocked that little voice out, I ignored that tug at my heart. I didn’t understand. Why was it so much easier for me to do random acts of kindness back home. What was it about being in a different but familiar environment that made it so hard for me.
It took me awhile to figure it out. I was scared. I had changed. I wasn’t the same care free, fun,’party girl of my past. I was afraid to talk about my faith, a faith that had been hidden and pushed aside by myself in my twenties. I guess I was afraid of rejection. Of people thinking I was weird. I was afraid of the unknown. I let that fear cripple me. It stopped me from any act of kindness that day. I went to bed feeling bad.
But I realized something that day. That giving, serving, and loving others shouldn’t only happen where I feel comfortable. God wants me out of my comfort zone. I resolved to not let those moments pass me by anymore while I was in California. That I couldn’t only continue this journey in Virginia. I had to go where ever God led me and listen for those tugs at my heart even when it took me way out of my comfort zone. That God was still working on me, and my focus should be on glorifying him and not my feelings. My goal for the rest of the trip was to focus on serving, loving and giving to others while in California. Letting God work on me and accepting that I am still a work in progress.