Day 130 – I was giving up

I had a couple of rough days. No ones life is perfect and we have our share of problems  at work and at home. I had reached a point of feeling overwhelmed. I felt like I had failed as a parent, friend, co-worker and wife. I was so consumed with anger and hurt that I didn’t even care about doing an act of kindness for the day. And I didn’t care. At that moment I decided to give up. 129 days was good enough. No one cared. No one read the blog, I didn’t make a difference. My attitude stunk. I felt sorry for myself. 

As he day went on I was just trying my best to not get fired before the last day of school. But seriously this has been the best year ever in my classroom but outside the classroom had been challenging. I was trying my best to show Grace and Forgiveness but was failing miserably at that too! As the morning went on and I was feeling extra snarky (Yes Jan I said snarky), I got a message from a friend that changed everything! 

Take a look at this picture, it was captured by Mr. Williams at a race that you had a huge part of getting together. You have inspired me so much over the last 9 or so years. Your giving heart and ability to love others is admireable. Your devotion to your family is comendable. Our frienship is priceless. We have entered into a different stage of our lives that we don’t see each other as much, which I miss dearly, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t still one of my very best friends and I really look up to you, JUST LIKE THIS PIC!! I love you and am honored to call you friend! 

I sat at my desk, silent and in tears. Those words meant more to me than my dear friend will ever know! That picture reminded me of so much. It reminded me of my friend Darlene, the reason I was baptized, the person who’s unwavering faith during her battle with breast cancer lead to my baptism. It reminded me of those summer nights where I met with my friends and we ran the streets strengthening our bodies and our hearts. It reminds me of the dedication and time I put into taking care of myself as well as my family.

Looking at that picture made me realize that lately I haven’t been taking care of myself. That in order to serve others I needed to take care of myself too. That meant not only emotionally but physically. So for my act of love for the day I served myself. I exercised I made a commitment to take time for me, make time for my husband and invest in the things that made me happy. It may sound selfish, but I realized at that moment that if I didn’t take care of myself I would not be able to continue serving Him. You here a lot about pastors and missionaries who experience compassion fatigue. I dont want it to come to that. I encourage you to take time for yourself. Nourish your body, mind and spirit. For God can not work through us if we don’t take care of ourselves. 


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