Day 26 – I Failed Today

I knew the day would come. The day when I did not do an act of kindness for the day. It is technically still today since the time is currently 10:54pm as I type this, but my goal is to be intentional, listen for God’s voice, do his will and today that did not happen. I failed. 

Today started normal. This sweet face woke me up and started my day. What could go wrong with a face like that brightening your morning.  Kendal and I even stopped at Sheetz for coffee and doughnuts (coffee for me , doughnut for Kendal) and I picked up a muffin for my co-worker and I. When I got to school the aide in my classroom had to go home sick. She really didn’t look well and since she never misses work, I knew she must feel bad. I sent her off and told her we would find a sub, don’t worry about it. Turns out that was easier said than done. I let the circumstances that kept me from getting a sub get me all worked up and from that point on I started to look at everything in a negative light. Teachers, parents, schedules, deadlines, paper work, reading tests, spelling tests and  inconvenience   all got on my nerves. I let every little and big thing turn my focus away from what I had been doing and towards negativity. 

How could I go from one of the best days in a long time the day before, to a really bad day the next? What did I do to deserve the things happening to me? I wanted to blame someone, find fault, place blame. Then I realized that I was doing exactly what the devil wanted me to do. I was turning away from Chasing the Lion, my dream, my goal of serving, giving and loving others. I was focusing on all the negative. I was letting the Devil in. Then in a brief moment of calm, I turned to my bible (YouVersion app) and read this.I realized at that moment that I had been doing the opposite of what I had been doing for the last 25 days. Instead of looking for the good in my day, the opportunities to serve, help and love, I was focusing on the negative. I let things I had no control over dictate my mood and therefore my focus for the day. I left school determined to perform a big act of kindness. I was not going to let the Devil make me weak. Because God did not promise us a life without trials. He said Trials big and small remind us that we must rely on God in all circumstances. Today reminded me that I am not free from trials just because I am performing acts of kindness. As the day went on and I ran Kendal to all his after school activities, reality set in that I was not going to get my act of kindness in for today. I realize now that the way I failed was by letting all the negative take over my day and therefore I was unable to perform an act of kindness and I chose to ignore the good around me. The tug at my heart wasn’t loud enough to break through and lead me. 

So I will share my weakness. Today I failed. But as I wrote this I could hear the voice of one of my aides assuring me I had done my act of kindness for the day. Now that I have time to reflect I can focus again on my mission. I did serve today. I had treated sweet a Kendal to a doughnut before school and bought my coworker a muffin. I taught my students even though I was short staffed, today was a good day. A co worker bought me lunch, and now that I think about it I don’t even think I thanked her because I was so busy focusing on the problems. Someone donated to me a baby item that I was going to buy. I coached to Upwards basketball games and bought Girl Scout cookies. So as I sit here and write this blog I realize that I learned so much today. It is very easy to loose focus of your mission and purpose when you allow yourself to focus on the negative and the bad. I let the devil in and realize I can not do any of this without God’s guidance. That tug at my heart was faint today, muffled by the sounds of negativity. So although I failed today I realize that is through both my weakness and acts of service that Christ can work through me. For tonight I will learn from my failure and enjoy my first box of Girl Scout cookies of the season. 

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